February 12, 2020

I want out. I want to be done with this. I know I will miss some things, some people, but I will still be here; they will still be here. It will all be okay. I have to do it for my sanity. Do not give up. Breathe. Push through. I will find something better. I will find something better. I will find something better.

Dear Lord, help me through this.

I don’t really have advice. Just- don’t be afraid to stick up for yourself. Even if you are simply hearing, feeling or seeing it all in your own being, it still matters. Listen to yourself. It’s okay to be you, no matter who that may be, as long as you aren’t intentionally harming others. Don’t talk crap about people. Treat others how you want to be treated. We are all equal. None of us asked for this. Vibe with the tribe instead of against. We are all one.

January 18, 2020

I just received a notification of a message sent by my mother to myself.

The message reads: “3 more, in Georgia this time, have been arrested connected to “the base” gang”.

It seems as though the world has given up. That most human beings are complacent enough for this to be a reality. Yes, they were arrested, these “white supremacists”, but this rally for guns. I get it. I don’t but I do. We want freedom to protect ourselves, which should be. This rally should not be for the American people to freely carry and possess weaponry of their own, but to call for the eradication of mass armies. This should be a call for peace, an end to this nonsense, some reality to be brought back to Planet Earth.

People such as Greta Thunberg are laughed at and made fun of, but in my eyes, they are heroes. There are so many ways to be flawed and she does not say that she is not. I am not saying that I am not flawed.

I am flawed.

I am a human being, but I am also a human being that is willing to say we should be doing this another way. Yes, we may have culture shock. Yes, it may get scary. It could also flow brilliantly and beautifully if we allowed room for other thoughts than only the ones we are used to.

Russia’s entire government resigned???

Maybe that should be a sign! Maybe we are doing it wrong too and should stop and start over.

Let. Us. Start. Over.

Maybe our governments shouldn’t be solely run by rich old people who have been sitting in the same seats since before we were born? Maybe we should have some kids in office to bring a younger, less skewed, unbiased, fearless perspective. Maybe we shouldn’t have a government at all and should go more local?

I’ve said it before and I will say it again, money should be eradicated. The price on life should be eradicated. None of us asked to be here. We all have just as much right as the next, just as much purpose and reason to be here as yourself.

We should be living with the animals and the plants such as TREES, instead of causing mass extinction, throwing the animals in the cages, burning the rest or using it for our own good. We shouldn’t be drilling for oils to run our polluting vehicles. We should be learning to live clean and healthy with all the life around us.

I’m sorry, I’m not sorry. I woke up in rant mode. I haven’t written in a while. I have a lot on my mind. This topic is literally just one, but it’s a really important thought to be having.

We need to start helping each other. We need to start coming together and using our heads and our hearts. We need to start fixing this instead of continuing down the path we are on. We have to stop charging each other to eat and drink and sleep comfortably. We have to stop tearing each other down and everything around us down. We have to stop trying to make everything so permanent with our concrete and cement, learn to live AROUND life (build homes around the trees and always plant more when we cut them down.)

We should be making the planet into one big rainforest, fit for all life, instead of burning it up and killing everything.

I love you guys.

Help.

July 7th, 2019

Truth is- I probably needed to hear that just as much as anyone else.

You are worth the time. You are worthy of our time. You matter.

I am thankful for your presence. I am glad you are alive. The world would not be the same without you.

I’m finding it hard to breathe currently. I know there is a lot on my plate, but still, I am finding it hard to breathe. I am trying though, to come back to reality and realize that there are bigger things in life than this that is in front of me and that I should work for all of it rather than just my own well-being. I should be more grateful and show it, not just say it. For I am so very grateful. I may not always see how much at first, but let it sink in, let me reflect for a moment. I would not be me without the past.

I just have to remember to keep moving forward.

Breathe.

Write.

Relax.

This is more of a meditation than an actual blog. More of my thoughts all over the place than one topic, really. But hey- it’s helping somewhat. I can feel the tension as it rumbles through my body. I can feel the energy inside of me changing, the rumbling of the butterflies dissipating.

Good vibrations.

July 5th, 2019

Dear Person Who Needs To Hear This,

It is going to be okay. I know sometimes it doesn’t seem like it, maybe especially not right now, maybe not ever, but it will. I promise. I know it sounds cliche as fuck, but believe in it. It helps to believe. I know it hurts sometimes; I do. I also know that you are stronger than the pain. And I’m not saying that you have to be stronger than the pain; I’m saying you already are. Whether you believe or not.

What happened to you does not make you weak. What happened to you does not mean you are damaged. What happened to you was a shitty instance of which you were a part of.

You are still you. You are god damn beautiful. Inside and out. Mostly on the outside though, because I don’t really like the blood and guts all that much, thanks, but still. You are beautiful by every definition of the word, and you are not alone.

You will never be alone.

Yes, sometimes, physically, in close proximity, you may be alone, but open your ears, your eyes, your whole body and you will know that you could never be alone. The earth loves you. I love you. And I know there are other people out there like me.

I believe we all are both good and bad, and that there is good and bad in every single thing. Different levels? Yes, maybe so, but who are we to judge?

Forgive me, I get sidetracked.

You are here for a reason. You will get through this. It takes time to feel better. Even a little bit. It’s okay for you to take that time. We will understand. We already do. We just want you to be you and also what is best for you.

I’m so sorry.

I am so fucking sorry that that happened to you. I am truly and deeply so sincerely sorry. I would take it all away from you: the pain, the memories, the trauma, the emptiness behind your eyes sometimes. I would give you every piece of me if it helped build you up higher.

I am here, though. I am here if you need a friend to talk to, to walk beside, to hold through the night. I will be there when you need me most. If I am not, you do not need me, and you will see that in time.

You are brilliant.

You amaze me with all the little things that you do. The sound of your voice, the whisper of your presence behind me when I am not looking. I hear you on the radio, I see you in all the films. You are there. You are shining so bright. Again- You are so fucking beautiful.

I don’t know how to say all the things I want to say. But none of us do. I just need you to know that I hope you let it go. I hope that you let the love grow. I hope that you let it show one day that you didn’t let this take you all the way to the finish line and that you got to see some of this worldly beauty first.

I can’t tell you that the other side might not be better. I mean, shit. We have war, hunger, pain, heartbreak, evil. But there is a lot of beauty here, too. I know you see it. Enjoy it. Enjoy it while you can, please. Live in today. Live in the now. Breathe in the good and out the bad. See the light in the darkest of times, and I promise you that it will be worth it. There will be more beautiful things that you have never seen tomorrow. And the day after that, and the day after that. Look to the skies, my love. Look to the seas, listen to the breeze. Help us make this planet a better, healthier environment for all of life. Help us bring back the other populations we have killed off. Help us plant the trees and remove/transform the debris in the sea to create life instead of destroy it in massive amounts. Help us pull away from using bad things such as gas, plastic, single-use containers, oil spills, pipelines that clog the pores of the earth. Help us move towards electricity as our energy source and help us to make that electricity to be powered in such a way that it benefits the planet instead of hurting it.

Just please, don’t give up being that beautiful human being soul pod thing. And please don’t waste your time thinking too much about the toxic past or scary future. Know that you got this, that someone out there has your back, and let’s live this life together, okay? Let’s just keep right on goin’ and let’s make it better. Alright?

I love you, friend. Forever and always.

July 3rd, 2019

I can’t help but to almost wish for an uprising tomorrow. A revolution, an uproar, people demanding a change, something… I have thought about it for years. The end of the days as we know it. The bible predicts it, other religious readings predict it, people have yelled about it for centuries. I think it’s going to be different than we expect, though; this- apocalypse, or revelations, or whatever. I think the world is going to finally be done with money and learn to start thinking about more important things like actually living decent, happy lives. Such a strange concept, I know, but I believe it will happen.

We are living in a world where children are either being tortured alive or they’re killing themselves or killing each other. We live in a world where we all wake up every day, go to things we call jobs which take us away from our actual jobs, such as being mothers and fathers, or being there for our elderly and sick. We are too concerned with building borders and having the coolest technology or most oil to make the most money. UGH…. Money…..

……We literally live in a world in which we wake up every day to say that it is okay to let our fellow life be unsheltered, unfed and furthermore wiped off the face of the planet. And that’s not even counting the massive amounts of pollution and harmful waste we accumulate by the second, harming all of our lives, including ourself.

Anyways, I thought I’d start a blog and see where it goes.

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